Jeffery asked me yesterday "Mom, how old were you when you knew you were going to adopt someday?"
I looked at him, my first born son, and answered "Since I was only a few years older than you."
I told him how, when I was young, I had pictures up on my wall of little children from around the world. I would daydream about raising kids just like them. Today I dug those pictures out. The pictures are over twenty years old now. I showed them to my kids--my kids who are catching our passion for orphans.
Steve and I talked about adoption when we were dating. It was never a question of "If" it was always "When".
Last March, we were talking about adoption in earnest but knew the economy was not great. Soon after, we heard this sermon by John Piper where he talks about how Christians, of all people, ought not let a recession keep us from taking risks for God. We need to show the world that our paths are not dictated by money.
The following week was when Steve lost the job he had worked at for 14 years.
It had serious implications for us: no adoption agency would consider an unemployed family (obviously); plus, his old job offered a $8,000 credit for anyone adopting
So for a while everything was put on hold.
I remember a few weeks after he lost his job, we were both standing in the kitchen, utterly overwhelmed, and I asked Steve, "What do you really want to do? Now is a chance to do something different." and he said "I love teaching and I love being a father, let's just go crazy for God." We discussed the many thousands of dollars that it costs to adopt and then we joked "Or, we could forget it all and just get a Mustang." That has become almost a code word for us now. The distinct contrast between pursuing the "American Dream" or risking it all for the glory of God.
*I am including this clip because it says so much of what I want to say: the verses, the quotes--it is all my same heartbeat. I bawled the first time I saw it and have cried every single time since. It makes it feel more real to see that other people have adopted and when I think about seeing my own little girl for the first time, it's too much...it's just too much.
Steve and I decided not to go "public" with this decision until we were officially on the waiting list.. Our family and church friends know, of course--I was dying to talk about it!!! I felt like a women who is pregnant and who has decided not to talk about it until she hears the heartbeat.
I am trying to think of what questions you might have because you are not here face-to-face to ask me.
I called many many different agencies and asked them "Where is the greatest need?" Every single time without hesitation the response was "Ethiopia."
My sisters remember how I named all of my children before they were born. They were going crazy not knowing what her name will be so they have nick named her "Ethie."
I am hoping to keep her Ethiopian name and I do not know who she is yet.
We are on the waiting list. Our homestudy is complete. The HUGE stack of paperwork is finished. All our papers were sent to Washington D.C., signed, and sent to Ethiopia. Now all we can do is wait. In eight to nine months we will be getting a call about a little baby girl in Ethiopia who is waiting for us!
You know what chokes me up the most right now? It is quite possible that she is alive right now, this very moment growing in her mothers womb.
I will never be able to feel her growing inside of me, the milestones have been different but we, as a family, are changed already because of her. Not a day goes by when we are not talking about her. I pray that we will be a blessing to her. There are days of raw insecurity when I think "What if when she is older she wishes she was not in our family?" Days where I am all too aware of my shortcomings as a mom. But God has been so merciful to me and has given me peace. I am so sure this is what He wants us to do that I can't not do it. Steve often says "We have room for more."
When I was waiting for Chloe to be born I bought one special outfit and laid it out in the nursery and would hold it up and dream about and try to imagine my little girl wearing it. For Ethie I took Chloe out and let her pick out the outfit, and we hung it up so Chloe and I could dream together about dressing our doll baby.
A few Sundays ago, I was sitting at church with a circle of two and three year olds around me. I was teaching them about Mary and how she was expecting Jesus. More than half of the children had mothers who were expecting so I went around the room "Garrett, your Mommy is expecting, and Cayd your mommy is expecting, and Kylie your mommy is, too, and Noah, your mommy is expecting!!" Jeff was was with me helping that day and he said "Mommy, you are expecting!" and I looked up at him so confused and whispered "Jeff I am not pregnant!" and he said "Ethie!" and such a rush of emotion swept over me, "YES YES YES I am expecting!!!!"
Such a sweet expectation is before us and we are all so filled with love for her already!
